PUWIF Excerpt
“Wizaaaaard,” he said, his shrill voice creating the usual grimaces from all in the room. “You say this… beast, can give a warrior more power?”
I didn’t like where this was going.
“Um, yes, I, I suppose I did say that, your majesty?”
His grin was, at this point, reaching critical mass. it was now beyond my control what would happen next. Whatever the idea was, it would either kill me in an entertaining way, or would leave me crippled, in an entertaining way.
“So, praytell, wizard fellow, could not merging with this beast lead to increased magical powers?”
Oh you troglodyte.
“Um, I suppose it’s, possible? Your majesty.”
Whatever god was influencing this state of affairs, they were undoubtedly a sadistic one.
“Well, since you’ve just seen fit to leave my throne room in absolute tatters, scare the life out of the queen, and put poor Jenisiqua here,” he pointed to the younger girl mopping the floor, still looking disinterested in the whole affair, still with eyes that read “I’d honestly rather you just kill me at this point”, and tried to give something approaching a warm smile. She didn’t smile back. “Since you’ve now put her into this messy state of affairs, and overall caused a massive headache to the kingdom’s planners, I see it only right that you merge with the beast yourself. Otherwise, one might be in a mind to label you as a spy, or traitor to your kingdom, dear boy.”
Well, you dim-witted, half-baked, web-toed, snake-eyed, goat-fornicating, brain melted tub of lard, I am in fact 6 years older than you, and my beard is much more magnificent, but sure, why the ket not. Might as well kill myself by putting my life into the hands of the thing that just shattered through the walls of the castle, and killed the man inside it.
“Um.” Came the only word I could currently muster.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” came the next. With my train of consciousness still screaming expletives at the king, it was hard to pick out any other usable words.